So, what's the point of internet friends anyway?
Something kept me from leaving, I don't know what exactly. Curiosity? Hope?
A few did reach out to me, although I didn't feel a sense of urgency in said messages. Others don't care at all like I expected. I didn't reply to anyone.
I don't know why I'm like this, it's frustrating. Why do I care so much about others who barely think about me? What am I really hoping for from these online friendships?
If it's because I need someone to talk to, you already cover that base. Same with offering advice, support, strategies, etc. I would expect no less from my soulmate.
I don't know what I want from them exactly. There was no clear expectations to begin with, so it's ridiculous to be disappointed.
But I am. I hate emotions, they never make any sense.
I almost feel like meeting you stinted my relationships with others forever. You're the most important person in my life to the point it's like comparing fireflies to the sun.
I think what shocks me even more about this realization is that I wouldn't feel sad for very long if any of them suddenly disappeared one day. Even though that's what I was venting about to some of them. Is it hypocritical or just fair?
Not sure if this is only me, but almost every relationship feels so.. monochrome. There's very few people my thoughts will occasionally revisit, wondering if they're alright. These guys are unique in their own ways, they bring something new to me others don't, and conversations with them rarely go flat. They bring some color to my life, and of course this makes you my rainbow.
Really what I'm trying to figure out is the point of internet friends, or just having lots of friends in general. I can justify it in real life, it's great being surrounded by people I can talk to and smile with. If someone is unavailable or tired I can chat with someone else. And who knows? Maybe one day they'll get closer to me and invite me to hang out. Can't wait.
But internet friends? They made sense when I was an introverted shut in for most of my life, but I'm not that person anymore. If it's to socialize, have fun, or work on projects. I can do all of that in real life, with you or others. Quitting social media and video games isn't helping the case either.
Maybe, if anything I forgot why because of my whole transition from shut in, terminally online guy - to normal, 10k daily steps guy. Isn't it supposed to be hard to rewire old mindsets?
I used to value people I met online to a fault, and it often ended up hurting me. Some people were so proficient at being ogres they managed to scar me for life. My theory is that my old mindset is clashing with my new values.
I don't have any objectives in mind when I meet people in real life either, sometimes it's just as hard to read them too, but body language is something texts can never accomplish, writing has too much deception. It's easier to pick up on someone's ogre traits in real life.
I'll plan on this - take time to reflect on my thoughts and once I'm ready, I'll delete my account. Also gives me a chance to see if anyone reaches out to me, although that thought doesn't make me any happier.
Need your support, Seven